I Wish He Had Come with Instructions by Mike Bechtle

Author:Mike Bechtle
Language: eng, eng
Format: epub
Tags: REL012050;FAM030000;Men—Psychology;Man-woman relationships
ISBN: 9781441220677
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2016-06-06T16:00:00+00:00

The Top Fourteen Needs of Men

Through research and conversations with men over the years, I’ve found certain themes repeated consistently. They all have to do with breaking those stereotypes and letting women see what’s really going on inside. Here are the things I heard the most often that men want women to know—from their perspective.

1. We want you to communicate directly.

We really want to know what you’re thinking. Sometimes we get impatient because you take a long time to describe a situation. Sure, we’d like you to get to the point faster. But that doesn’t mean we don’t care. The process just gets in the way.

We can’t read your mind, so the only way we’ll know what you want is if you tell us. Don’t try to manipulate us into doing something out of guilt; just tell us straight up what you want. Tell us the truth, as simply as you can. Don’t assume we don’t care. Assume we do, and give us a chance to explore that with you.

2. We love your emotions when you express them well.

We don’t want you to suppress your emotions or hide them from us. How you handle your emotions is huge for us. We love your emotions and want to see them—when they’re not out of control. Anger, sadness, and strong emotions are part of who you are, and we want to be with you when you’re feeling them. It’s just that we don’t know what to do when you explode.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have strong emotions and express them. It means we respond better if you’ve learned how to express your emotions appropriately in a way that doesn’t attack us. Men respect women who have a healthy use of their emotional power.

3. We want you to be independent.

Someone said, “Two half-people don’t make one whole relationship.” We need to become a healthy, whole person, and we need you to as well. We want you to need us but not be dependent on us.

Contrary to what a lot of people think, most men don’t want to be in a relationship with a weak person so that they can feel stronger. There are some controlling men who feel that way, but we’re talking about healthy men. That perspective isn’t healthy. Secure women inspire us. Don’t give up your interests to be with us, but when you are with us, give us 100 percent.

It’s impressive to us when you have your own life outside of us. It tells us that you’ve chosen us to be partners in this process of life, and we’re both bringing our own health and wholeness into the relationship.

Simply stated, we need you to like yourself. When you do, it’s easy and natural for us to give you our respect.

4. Treat us with kindness.

A lot of women are afraid to tell their man their honest feelings because they’re afraid of how he will respond. It’s well-deserved in a lot of cases because men can be pretty insensitive. When they haven’t

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